Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
