Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
