We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
