I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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