I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
