I'm pants shitting drunk right now
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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