it was like eating out sand paper
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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