Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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