Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
