dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
