I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
