I'm eating all of the evidence.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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