Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
