Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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