Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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