So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize