The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
