you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
