so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
