mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
