oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Randomize
