needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
sarcasm needs its own font
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
