if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
