So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
