At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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