I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
