OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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