Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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