Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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