oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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