So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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