I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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