you guys were way drunker than both of me
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
