weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
