Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
