That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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