just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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