Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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