I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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