I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Randomize