So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The feeling are messing with the penis
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
