pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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