Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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