Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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