i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
