Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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