She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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