here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
