it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
