At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize