if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
