In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize