i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
