i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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