The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
