Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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