On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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