At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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