I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
