my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
