Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
