i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
