My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
