Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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