**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
