Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
