drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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