so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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