haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
