We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
being pregnant is like rehab
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
