You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
